Im not sure about the rest of you but on thursdays class i was getting angry. I was angry that there is suppost to be a protocol to how to deal with death, or how to talk about it, or you call it. I find that death is a very personal thing between the dying and the loved ones around. There is no matter how we call it there is no right or wrong way to deal with death and talking about it.
I took the time to reflect on my feelings when i got home and wondered why i was getting so angry. I came to the conclusion that i was looking at the class content in the wrong fashion. The thursday class was not designed to dictate what is wrong and what is right when dealing with death just describe the way society in general deals with it and how we react to it. Its not the wrong way its just the way we react to it. So i am not angry any more but i also want to comment on the teachers suggestion to jum in bed with the sick and dying.
My personal advice is do what feels natural and consistent with the past. For examply if you and the dying were close and touched alot then yes jump in bed be close but if your relationship with the dying was never one of touch then i would not suggest to just jump in bed after years of never touching. You have to just trust your feelings and the feelings of the dying. Dont force anything because then they will feel unconfortable and so will you. If you listen to your gut it will tell you what to do and just follow that.
I can see your point in doing what we feel is natural. I wouldn't want to 'jump into bed' or affectionately touch someone who I never had a close relationship because that would be awkward. In addition, it would show a lack of respect for the deceased and myself.
ReplyDeleteAs for the protocol that we heard in Thursdays class, I also began to reflect on what was stated but it made complete sense to me. So many times do we skip telling our loved ones how much we love them, and when its time for them to leave this life, we tend to regain the courage or memory to state our feelings. I didn't feel any type of anger listening to this part of the class. On the contrary, I felt relieved that I was able to view this situation in a new light.
I can see your point, and I think we are going to feel uncomfortable alot during class. I feel like thats sort of the point, to question why we feel the way we do about death.
ReplyDeleteFor my, I have always struggled with physical contact, I just dont like to touch people so I was grossed out, but upon reflection I got that the soothing effect of touch can be great for the person dying and for the person mourning.
I dont think she was suggesting we do anything we arnt comfortable with, more to really think about what we are comfortable with and why we are not comfortable with some things...
-Tabitha Burke
I feel like death and how to deal with death is very personal as well as controversial. I completely agree with you and I do not think that anyone can say what's the right way to go about or what's a wrong way to go about dealing with a loved one dying. I don't think there should be standard to how people deal with death and I think the only reason people classify others actions as "wrong" is because they themselves would not behave in that fashion. The example used in class of jumping in bed with the dead friend seemed very foreign to me at first, I thought to myself "why in the world would anyone want to do that". But just because I would not do it, does not make the act wrong. The more I thought about it I realized I was being very judgmental, who am I to say thats not how you should do it. Just because I personally upon first hearing the story didn't think I would do it doesn't make it wrong by any means. Who knows, down the line if I was married to someone for 30/40 years, I to would probably feel strong enough towards them that I would crawl into bed right after they died with them and say my goodbyes. I wouldn't want someone to tell me that wasn't right or that I couldn't do it, no one should have that control. Everyone should handle the situation in their own unique way without others passing judgement in any fashion. I don't think that the teacher was suggesting we have to follow a protocol verbatim but I can see where your initial frustrations began, and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who was a little concerned about the issue in the beginning.
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