Last week Thursday our instructor talked about the four things one should say to his or her loved one. Yes, I also believe words like I love you, I forgive you, please forgive me and we will be ok are important, but will we even have an opportunity to say that. I mean in reality, most people never experience a good death because in a whole our western society shys away from the topic of death. the truth be known those four famous last things to say will most of the time never happen. The majority of people die in hospitals strapped to machines, on sedatives or close to being brain dead. The point is this, do we as a society even want to make the necessary changes on how we view or embrace death to hear those final four things?
At times this may be the truth but what we need to do as a society is make sure we don’t wait until the last minute to say these things to each other. My grandfather was struck by lightning through his front window, thrown back about 20 feet and broke his hip, while trying to get up he had a heart attack and was now unable to reach for a phone for help. My family and I visited him often to check up on him since he lived on his own. We arrived 36 hours after the lightning strike to find him still alive lying on the floor. After many years of therapy and hospitals he was mentally ready to give up, but he didn’t pass until my mother told him that everyone was okay and that we would be okay without him. I was in the room when these words left her lips and within minutes he passed while holding our hands. It is great to see how powerful words can be, and we were luck to have this opportunity. But not everyone has this experience like you said and we never know when our day is going to come, that is why we need to never take those that are around us for granted and always make sure that those you care about really know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteLike I mentioned in an earlier post, I think that it ultimately depends on the individual. If the desire to say 'I love you' arises, then it will be said. If not, then there could be another way of demonstrating affection, if the desire to show affection even exists. Yes, Professor Cox did have a good point in helping an individual pass on by stating certain words, but sometimes we don't get the opportunity to do. This is why it's important to tell people how we feel about them while they're alive, instead of waiting until they are about to die.
ReplyDeleteI've experienced a similiar situation as Amy. One of my second cousins, that my mother moved down to Florida with when they turned eightteen, had been in an extremely absuive relationship since she was nineteen years old. For my entire life I never really got the chance to spend much time with her since she spent her life drinking herself into obliveration everyday to get through to the next. Her husband had basically removed her from every family members life. A couple years ago I remember my mother getting a call from her, and she told her that the doctor told her that she needed to quit drinking or she was going to die, very soon. She was drunk when she called and informed my mother of this. Well a few months ago, her husband brought her into the hospital, barely even alive. Our family was outraged that he let it get this bad before he brought her into the hospital. We all knew this was it, her father, my great uncle Don, had just died a little over a month prior from a massive heart attack out of nowhere and we all found ourselves together again, preparing for another death. The doctors gave her only a few hours to live and encouraged the family to say goodbye. Three days later she was still holding on, even after being taken off the machine. It wasn't until my cousin, her son, brought in his two little sons. She babysat them on the weekends and were basically the only children that got to spend any time with her since her daughter wouldn't let her own daughter see her since she was always drunk. The littlest boy, Camryn who was almost 2 years old, crawled up into the bed with her and took a nap, just like they did on the weekeneds that she babysat them. After he woke up, they left, and she passed away about 20 minutes later. It's important that we realize, like professor Cox said, that although in a coma, or in a state of unconcisness, you still have a sense of what is going on, what is said, and who is in the room. She held on much longer than expected, or what was medically possible, and none of us doubt that it was because she was waiting to say goodbye to her grandsons.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great point Adrian. It's challenging for people to view death in good terms. The "unknown" factor of death will always frighten those in western society and mainly due to our lack of experience and appreciation of death. In my mind, the only way to transform our negative views of death and dying is to provide classes and services to assist those struggling with their own mortality.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the use of advanced medical technology is starting to decline as a favorable way to live life as an older adult. Most people would rather die peacefully than experience a prolonged death. Although most people today would view death as a negative life experience, most would rather die "naturally" instead of artificially in the hands of the medical industry.
I think we should never wait until a "good death" is about to happen to say these things. Why do we as a society let stupid fights turn into big ones or worry and sweat things that in the long run don't matter. People always say stuff like "You only get one chance you've got to live it up" or "live everyday as if it's your last". But how many of us really do? Personally, I don't want something to happen and me lose my chance to ever say I'm sorry so I don't let things just slip away. A very good friend of mine died a few months back, the night before she died she asked me to hang out with her and I told her I was to busy, I will never get that hang out chance again. I'm not ever letting any opportunity to spend time with someone or tell them how I feel slip away ever again.
ReplyDeleteI believe it is important to always live life to the fullest possible and to be always aware of our own mortality. I think this is one of the points of this class and the point of this lesson in particular. These four things are ideal to have clear to one's loved ones, whether they be family or friends, on a daily basis. Our lives can be cut short at any time, and we should be aware of that, so we should be "good" with every person in our lives every day. We should not live our lives in conflict with anyone, if at all possible. It is a good practice to be at peace with everyone who is important to us. I, personally, would want my cherished ones to know that I loved them, forgave them, wished their forgiveness for any real or perceived wrongs and that all was well between us, whether I died today or after some prolonged illness.
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